Daniel and I were both raised in the Mennonite faith.Daniel's family was originally from Kansas and he was born and raised in Arkansas. My family was originally from Ohio with migration to Florida and Georgia. My parents were born and raised in the Amish faith and converted to Mennonite a few years after their marriage. Daniel and I are both the youngest of fairly large families: he has 4 siblings, I have 5. My family moved from Ohio to Florida when I was 4, so I do not remember much of our time in Ohio. Most of my "memories" of that time come from stories I have been told.
Our wedding venue was an 1850s living museum. We married in the little church on the property. This wedding venue was approximately 30 minutes from my parents house. I was the one late for our wedding. Not only did the direction-ally challenged person drive herself to the venue, she stopped to pick up her Maid of Honor and then took the long way. The venue was supposed to have a horse and carriage to take me to the church. Instead I was driven to the church on a farm wagon. By mules.
While I was raised in the Christian faith, and know that I had accepted Jesus as my Savior, I did not have a deep relationship with God until after our first daughter was born. When I held that beautiful little daughter in my arms, it hit me that I was responsible to not only raise her, but keep her safe, point her towards God and try to keep her from making the same mistakes I did.
We lived on a single minimum wage income for the first 10 years of our marriage and sacrificed so that I could stay home with our kids as long as possible. When our youngest daughter was in elementary school, I began working in a bakery in town. This allowed a little extra income and also allowed me to be at home in the evenings.
Shortly after I went to work, Daniel faced a cancer battle. My Mother was also facing medical issues in Georgia, and during the last week of her life, she was in surgical ICU. Watching the nurses care for her inspired me to attempt my dream; becoming a nurse. After being in the bakery for roughly 5 years, I quit work to focus one full year on LPN school. Once LPN school was completed, I worked while completing the pre requisite classes for RN.
It was during the RN school year in 2014 that we lost our son to suicide. We made the decision together that we would do whatever it took for me to complete that school year. One of the things we had to do was move out of our tiny little home where all my babies were raised. I had horrific anxiety attacks just being in that house and could not walk where I could see his bedroom without completely falling apart.
We had a friend who was gracious enough to open her home to our grieving bunch. We lived with her for 8 months while waiting for the "perfect" home to become available. I put my grieving process on hold and somehow managed to get through RN school while keeping my family from completely falling apart.
After RN school was completed, I worked in nursing homes. I LOVE "old folks". They can be sweet one minute and cussing the next. I worked as treatment nurse, assistant director of nursing and director of nursing. I loved my job. Then COVID hit. Watching my patients become weak and depressed due to the restrictions of family and the staff being masked up and unable to interact as personally with the patients was so hard. Then when the dreaded virus entered our home and I watched the patients struggle to survive and lost so many that I loved dearly. During this time I was spread so thin between my Director duties and working the floor to make sure the patients were given the care they deserved. I was often working my full shift as Director of nursing and then working the floor for an 8 hour shift as well. I came very close to a mental and physical breakdown.
The decision was made to find something that would enable me to help patients but remove some of the stress of my life. I waited until I heard God say "Now", and then took a job at our local hospital that allowed me to help the patients but did not involve bedside care. God then used that job transition to further transition me into a work from home position where I still get to use my working knowledge to assist patients in getting their hospital stays covered by insurance.
Through all of the turmoil of the last 12 years, God and Daniel have been my rocks. Without God, I would have made the decision to join our son. Without Daniel and my girls, I would be in a mental institute somewhere. We have all allowed each other to grieve in our own ways and supported each other in the process. Somehow we all still love each other but even more, we LIKE each other.
Comments